Miller Charmaine

Charmaine's adventures in news writing and editing

Diary Week 13

leave a comment »

It was a typical Monday morning. I went into the newsroom, had a chat with the online reporter about her story, searched the Web for a story idea of my own and went to the story pitch meeting with TV at 9:30.

I then edited a story by online reporter Stefanie Cainto. The story was on a Florida Senate ban on texting while driving. It was overall very clean, and I only made a few edits. In one sentence, “Results of the poll, led by the Bob Graham Center for Public Service in and the UF Bureau of Economic and Business Research…” I deleted the word “in.” I also included a brief definition of nonmoving violation, for those like me who didn’t know.

I also edited the In the News. I ran into some difficulty with a brief about a married couple. The original sentence is this: “Hakken and his wife lost custody of their two boys after his drug-possession arrest in Louisiana.” I changed it to this: “Hakken and his wife lost custody of their two boys after Joshua Hakken’s drug-possession arrest in Louisiana.” It’s more awkward, but I thought the distinction had to be made.

I also edited a story that came into our Gmail account from an MMC2100 student. I thought because of the time element (it was an advance for an event on April 20) it was not publishable immediately, but I went ahead and gave it an edit, making a note in our WordPress to hold it until we got closer to the date of the event. There were a few things I changed:

“The entry fee is based on a sliding donation scale from $10-20 and kids 12 and younger can participate for free.” I was wondering, is the money amount supposed to be from $10-$20? That is what I changed it to in order to be safe. I also changed “kids” to children.

A few befores and afters:
1. The festival will incorporate local businesses and the community in a celebration of the season. There will be local bands performing live, food from local food trucks, activities for kids such as face painting and garden planting, farm tours, and many other family-friendly events.
2. The festival will feature community businesses in a celebration of the season. Local bands will perform live music, and food will be provided by area food trucks. There will also be other family activities like farm tours, face painting and garden planting.

1. Some locally led workshops include demonstrations about composting led by Gainesville Compost and a beer-brewing workshop hosted by Tall Paul’s Brew House. There will also be several other country-living workshops such as homesteading, weaving, pottery and more. (Note: “and more” sounds like an ad or PR-speak to me)

2. Some locally led workshops include demonstrations on composting by representatives from Gainesville Compost and a beer-brewing workshop hosted by Tall Paul’s Brew House. Other country-living workshops will be offered on skills like homesteading, weaving and pottery.

1. Swallowtail Farm incorporates the community into the farming process in many ways, from providing food to local restaurants to offering events like the Spring Festival. (Still sounds like PR-speak. They do all of this amazing stuff!)

2. Swallowtail Farm aims to incorporate the community into the farming process by providing food to local restaurants and hosting events like the Spring Festival, among other initiatives.

1. Through having very open relationships with the community, Swallowtail Farm hopes to teach people about the value and importance of locally grown food. While locally grown food is more expensive than industrially produced food, the benefits outweigh the price. One aspect about locally grown food that Shitama finds important is the health benefit.

2. Through having very open relationships with the community, Swallowtail Farm hopes to teach people about the value and importance of locally grown food. One aspect about locally grown food that Shitama finds important is the health benefit.

I also deleted a quote that I thought didn’t contribute in a meaningful way. It was right before or after the line saying that the event would hold country-living workshops.

“We wanted to do country-living and -skills workshops,” said Emily Eckhardt, one of the farmers at Swallowtail.

I also edited Web producer Dana Edwards’ story on Bradford County’s classes offered for teen parents. I checked all of the statistics carefully. Everything checked out except the AP Style for day care. Two words.

 

 

Advertisements

Written by charmainemiller

April 11, 2013 at 11:18 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: